She is waiting with open arms. We embrace each other with an open heart. A little later we are sitting near the beach with a cup of coffee. ‘It is been a long time that we met,’ she says. How long ago I don’t know, but it must be more than five years. No doubt something happened between us, a disagreement, some kind of confrontation, which she couldn’t digest at that moment. Anyway, that event was enough for her to stop seeing me. But time is healing all wounds and the connection between us is still there. A few months ago she let me know that she was diagnosed with a severe sort of cancer. She underwent a heavy chemo cure, was fully going for it and recovered nicely. ‘I can’t share all of my experiences with everyone,’ she writes. ‘But I know that you not only understand me, you will also not judge me.
These days I hear from several women how more meaningful their life became after they got diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly they got all attention they usually give to others.
The moment we begin to realize that even our loved ones are mortal, our heart is opening up with compassion and our ego fades into the background. Space will arise for understanding, which allow us to forgive the other person even the gravest misdeeds. Without struggle age-old family tragedies will be resolved and transformed.
‘And then I went for a checkup,’ Jamila says,‘ and I was told it all looked fine. According to my oncologist there is a great chance that I will get this malignant cancer back, but for now I was declared cured. Yasmin, I know it sounds ridiculous, but do you think I felt happy? Not at all! I even arrived home crying. All the attention I received during this time went suddenly to another sick person. If I dare to say something, I am told that I have nothing to complain about. If you can walk twenty kilometers a day, you shouldn’t complain.
I myself know everything about it. I remember as if it was yesterday that everything and everybody around me felled away when my body let me down. By definition I felt guilty that I had created all this myself, according to the alternatives. If anyone came to the door, it was with a preconceived goal. They should make me better soon. Simply standing next to someone and daring to see and to feel where the other person is going through, without judging, is not something you will find directly into the program of the average healer or counselor. Imagine that you are just present without doing a thing or without wanting to change anything. It is not inconceivable that you suddenly will experience what a deep pit of misery lurks behind that exterior.
Even more worse, you may start to resonate with that vibration and fall completely still. Or you will end up within your own big hole. And yes, it may just be that you lose control, become vulnerable and have to take off your mask in a society in which it is becoming increasingly difficult to be vulnerable and keep yourself and your income afloat.
We have created a society of the healthy and the crippled. Of perpetrators and victims. Of criminals and saints. We don’t understand that they are two inseparable sides of the same coin. I wonder how long our carefully crafted welfare state can survive in which a narrow minority continues to sacrifice itself for a needy majority without breaking down.
‘No longer I feel myself guilty,’ Jamilla says. Wow that is great dear one. After all, guilt does not exist. Authorities and churches have devised that to cut us off from our roots: the power of God, the power of unconditional Love that embraces all and heals everything. Our soul came into the world with a backpack and it is precisely the challenges on our path that opens up our inner eyes and polish us to more and more wholeness.
A little later Jamilla is going to the toilet. While I wait for my turn she calls out, not all too serious and absolutely not softly: ‘Yasmin, Did I nag too much? Because if so I will still feel guilty.’ ‘Gosh, what a bitch you are’, am I scolding back. You know, on that playful way like kids will do this.
How more obstacles you have lived through how more you bring to life your inner-child. Children are pure, innocent and no-nonsense. And yes, then the heart starts to speak and you will say things that can touch and cannot always be received in that moment yet, but will float to the surface at the right time to take root and, who knows, probably will bear fruit years later.
‘Yasmin! I’m so glad you are calling. You always do that at the right time. Please can you help me. I don’t want that damn chemo. So why am I doing it???’
‘Okay darling, go for a second to that silent space in your heart. Do you want that chemo or are you doing it to please your kids? After all, you told me before that things have never been better between you and your kids then in this crazy time. Even your eldest daughter, who until recently wanted nothing to do with you, will nothing else than to please you’.
She falls silent for a while. ‘Well, to be honest I do believe there’s something deep inside of me that says for now I need that shit.’
‘Listen honey. What I do or would do is of secondary importance. If you feel you have to go for the chemo, go for it with all you have. Of course you can support that process with vitamins, minerals and healthy food. But don’t walk on two legs if you know what I mean. Your creative mind can’t handle that’.
She understands but she’s getting so damn sick from the chemo. I ask her what she can do about it. ‘I want to stop for fourteen days. There is also another, less intense, chemotherapy, but it is more expensive…’
That evening she announces that she has called the oncologist. Not only she got permission to stop the cure for fourteen days, but after this period she will also receive the milder chemotherapy. She is grateful and overjoyed.
I hear that one of my former Reiki students has breast cancer and I decide to visit her. I just sit silently and with an open heart beside her bed. Totally present, without wanting or advising anything. My hands are somewhere on her body, seemingly without purpose. It makes a deep impression on her. Later, on one of my walk-in days, she is sharing this store with others. The power that emanates from you when you don’t expect anything and just dare to embrace the other person without wanting to change anything about the situation, to be more clear; without throwing your own experience over it, is immeasurably great. From a deep knowledge that every person has the inner power to go through his own process, you appeal to the self-healing capacity in the other.
We walk this earth with an unprecedented deep desire to be seen, known and embraced. It is the fairy tale of the Prince and Sleeping Beauty. The moment the Prince is kissing Sleeping Beauty, she wakes up in another dimension. Our soul awakens and you begin to remember who you essentially are.
What happened to our society? It seems like the world turned upside down. We honor the weak and punish the strong. We throw ourselves at everything and everyone who is vulnerable and needy. That makes us feel good and boosts our ego. Bullies are punished and the one being bullied is seen as a victim, weak and pathetic. So he must be protected. The so called victim sinks further and further into the three-dimensional material world of dependence and pathetic behavior. The bully challenges the victim to stand on their own two feet and trust them. This effective and healing medicine is not appreciated by our current healthcare system. Soon the bully learns that being open and honest will be punished and retreats into his shell. By doing so, he not only disowns himself, he will no longer challenge the object to stand in its own power. Even if this is the only way to become a unique and full member in a society that absolutely cannot build on weakness, but needs healthy elements who dare to look in their own mirror and will not spare themselves. After all, life isn’t all fun. On the contrary, for the majority, life is no more or less than a drama.
However, life becomes more and more exciting and fun as we start to practice scuba diving within ourselves. It feels a little different than when we jump off a bridge or take a New Year’s dive, but certainly it is no less adventurous. I predict that as we get more experienced with practice, you’ll find that you care less about what others think of you. That you need little or nothing from the outside world to feel a happy and whole person. That you absolutely can enjoy it to exchange something special with others by now and then, but you will also enjoy it unimaginably when you are alone and feel your own heartbeat. And suddenly it can happen that you will fall completely silent because for the first time in your life you will realize for the first time how beautiful your inner world is.
And, before I forget to say it, let’s not wait until someone gets seriously ill or until his or her funeral to tell that person how much you love her. Believe me, the latter is not only unhuman, it is really too sad for words…
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