People who say that there is good without the associated evil or a good government without the associated misrule do not understand the main principles of the universe, nor the nature of creation…
One might talk about the existence of heaven without an earth or the negative without the positive, which is obviously impossible. Nevertheless, people talk incessantly about it. Either such people cannot be wise or they keep fooling themselves…
– Chuang Tzu –


It was my deepest conviction that I was not okay, so my life was a sequence of misery and unhappiness. I believed I had no right to live. People around me tried to convince me daily of that, and see they were very successful! These recurring affirmations got stuck in my head – eventually that became a conviction that I began to experience as truth: ‘Lord I am not worthy!’ On behold, my unworthiness manifested itself in my body as illness. Slowly but surely I lost my childlike innocence and my self-confidence and I died little by little…


During this process of decay I got more and more insight into the true meaning of life, so I started to improve myself. Initially I was angry at my parents, educators and churches that they had restricted my divinity. This anger has been the engine of my movement. The moment I stopped to blame them I demanded my birthright back. I did not see myself as sick anymore, but as someone who is constantly improving. The whole process of guilt, inferiority and sickness has taught me that it is no longer necessary to walk the path of decline and to associate myself with illness. Altogether I am healthier than ever and my body is more youthful and more flexible than many years ago!


I believed in mortality because they wanted me to believe it. How should they have been able to suppress me and to mitigate my divine spirit if they had told me who I really was? I became immortal at the moment I was allowed to catch a glimpse from the infinite vastness of the universe. From that moment my fear of death disappeared, and I started to transform the whole process. More and more I began to realize and also to experience that I was a divine and immortal being who could not improve herself because I was already perfect in the moment!


No longer I feel the need to blame somebody else for my shortcomings and I take full responsibility for my well-being. I am self sufficient and do not stick to any religion anymore. In short, I do not believe in anything or anyone, only in myself. I see God or Love reflected in nature and in everything and everyone around me. I am open en flexible en willing to examine everything, but I do not take anything for granted, until I have experienced it myself.


I do not need to blame churches or educators. I do not like to see anyone behind bars. Overall, I have manifested all of this by myself, partly because I needed to experience things to learn who I really was! Without this process of apparent contradiction I would never have been able to experience and to enjoy real Life; so viva the Church, viva the government and especially viva my educators. We cherish our image of the outside world as long as we need it. At the moment we wake up they will lose their power over us.
I am a divine being – just like you. I hold the same powers than the Master Jesus and many others – just like you. No longer I feel ashamed to stay proudly and grateful into this world. I honor myself in me and in you. Because you are me and I am you.


God is Love with a capital letter and that Love is the engine of my existence. There is nothing outside of that Love or whatever you like to call it, so it is impossible to include or exclude anything or anybody.
We do not fall in love because of appearance, age or gender. We do not like a certain person because the body where we cling a certain age and certain mortality to – as if there would exist something as time!
We love each other because of our spirit – which is eternal and immortal. Our divinity will increasingly reflected itself as soon we purify our emotional and spiritual body and fully dare to admit and to embrace ourselves.
From the moment I recognized myself and started to love and to embrace myself, I could look everyone in the eyes and say convincingly: ‘I am worthy, but not I alone, you too. And no matter what you ever did or what you might do yet. Now you are worthy and there is no need to improve yourself because you are already perfect!’


All over the world I see people following the same path. We give our responsibility in the hands of sources outside ourselves. Churches and educators have given us the feeling that we were not good enough; that there exist a God and a devil. As if Gods creation is not Oneness. By believing in good and bad, we create good and evil. We cannot even blame God for that! Also, we cannot expect Him to save us because He has no judgment so he finds it all quite amusing how we get stuck in our ego plays here on earth. To say it frankly, more than this you cannot name it, can you?


As long as we live in this self-created world of uncertainty we try to undermine each other with words or with powers. My tribe is better than your tribe. My God is better than your God. What a joke! Unfortunately for most people, deadly serious and not something to joke about! Anyway, by now I know it all pretty well, the power games and the tricks, so I can understand it too. The smaller we are, the more we like to blown up our ego. And as long as we can impress others we will continue to play our game with gusto. But eventually we out voice only ourselves and once we close our mouth, our self-created reality collapses as a house of cards, and we fall into the abyss of self-pity and sheer misery; at this moment a process worldwide is happening and what some of us will call hell!


I believe that I am improving myself every day; that every day is worthy to live and to experience at the fullest. My body constantly renews and rejuvenates itself. Bumps in my life are only there to make me more aware of my Self. I may take those bumps without nagging. And when I am occasionally nagging, let me be aware that I am nagging! Even that I do not have to change. That is just what it is at that particular moment and when I let it be without judgment, it will disappear as fast as the rain showers from this morning.


I love myself. Wow, I have created a wonderful life, a gorgeous body. I have created a beautiful environment and what a beautiful people are surrounding me. But even if all off this will disappear, I will stay upright. Because within me is a wealth that is independent of anything and anyone and cannot be expressed in money. It manifests itself as an eternal field of flowers which bloom continuously without ever withers. There is so much to be grateful for. There is only gratitude…

I love myself – and because of that I love you…

Yasmin – Ambassador of Love

‘The moment I fully embrace myself, I embrace the world without exception’.

Meru – Kenya

Meru – Kenya

Staying on my balcony I am watching Mount Kenya. An eagle ascends from the treetop and circles higher and higher. My mind takes a leap and merges with the eagle. I oversee the meaning of life and feel free – completely free…


After a time of completion of projects, saying goodbye to my friends on the coast and a final Dennis-day at our favorite beach, I arrive at my new friends in Meru. Again I ended up in paradise…
Meru is the opposite of the coastal area. This area is not dependent on tourists. The infrastructure is good and the land is fertile. Meru is the storehouse for export of tobacco, coffee, marijuana, Mira, fruit, vegetables, maize, cassava, etc. Sometimes elephants are crossing the road…

The climate is delightful. Cool at night and warm during the day. The rain is expected any time and that is sorely needed. Elephants and monkeys come inside the habitats and people have to lit fires and make noise to protect their crops…


Jeetje wat een cadeautjes

Once you leave the main road you will find purity and poverty. Children run through the bush paths: ‘Muzungu’! I step off of the engine and hug the wise and old ones and the small and pure kids. Majengo is the place where the poor brewing their illegal beer. Even you can better not walk here on your own in the dark, I feel at home in the chaos…

Alone, with my motor guy and sometimes with rangers and guns I explore the beautiful nature. I climb waterfalls. We visit the dry desert area of Isiolo where Jesus passed on a donkey on his way to Ethiopia. He touched the soil with his staff and there arose a fruitful source in the desert. Until today shepherds with their flock come here for drinking water.


We visit Chuka, the homeland of my friends. Here you find the sober African life my friends have left behind. Mother of 90 spontaneously takes my hand and we dance and sing together. Living in a community like this means that everyone is responsible for everyone and loneliness is an unwritten word…

Family ties are very important. You are not only responsible for your own family, children and grandchildren. All the children of your brothers and sisters are yours. You are also responsible for their place at school, etc. If you want to extract yourself, you are an outcast and you can better go elsewhere…

The prison is full of people who committed minor offenses: brewing, thefts. Nowadays, sometimes someone get robbed and raped and even murdered. Michael and I were lucky when we climbed to the waterfalls. We were warned just in time and escaped the robbers by stabbing the river as quickly as we could…


My host is a lawyer. Therefore he can play an important role in complying with the new constitution. At home he is the one who sets the price, but occasionally there is an intimate atmosphere and we exchange something essential. ‘Thank you master,’ he will say. ‘Karibu sana master’ or welcome, I answer…

Tradition dictates that the wife is not working outside the home. She is the boss in the house and kitchen. The last place is off limits to men. The truth commands to tell me that women usually are not willing to give up their place of power. On the other hand a woman will not ask her husband were he is up to in the evenings. That is his field. Traditions change, slowly but surely. It takes time.


The power of Kenya has changed me. I have much more space. Let things just happen without controlling them. I observe without judgment. I can say I am now a real coach…

Kenya is a rich country. Property here is normal. You not measure your wealth on that. Even though 52 percent earn less than $ 2 a day, if you own a piece of land with your own private hut you can can have a good living.

When the rich stop to fill their own pockets and are willing to share, then livein Kenya will be much better than it is in the West. Let us stop to send our money for their Development. Let us stop to be that arrogant to think that we know what is good for THEM and finally give them a possibility to mature. Every human being has the right to find his own dignity. Support out of pity is not working. It gives us Westerns a feeling of superiority but makes people there lazy and dependent…

Smart people make beautiful movies in problem areas. We watch and think this is Kenya and pull our pockets because we find it too sad. The money we donate mostly does not reach its destiny…

The new constitution is unique. It divides Kenya into provinces and the power lies with the people. It will take a while before the implementation in practice is flawless, but it is coming, slowly but surely.


I landed safely at Schiphol and I catch the train from Amsterdam to ‘s Hertogenbosch. It is cold, the sky is gray and the fog is thick. In Utrecht, a watery sun breaks through the clouds. Wow, it feels magically. My HEART pops open. I feel at home – at home in myself. Home is where my heart is and for this moment that will be here…

Jeetje wat een cadeautjes

Grateful for AL what I experienced. Thankful for ALL that I could share and distribute: building houses and a chicken farm – paying school fees – activate shops – sending people to Dubai’s for a job – paying for hospital, medicines, motors repair and so on…

Love is All that is
Yasmin – Mutanu

Kenya – Ribe district

Kenya – Ribe district

After fourteen days of intense fasting and not being on the internet, I feel reborn. The pain in my body has passed away. My inner space feels boundless. I feel quiet – quiet from the inside – quiet from the outside…

I have given my wisdom out of hands to someone who thought he knew my body better then me myself. Literally that has put my whole sensitive system on its head. Thank God, in all respect I have taken back my own space…

Ribe district

Together with Chai and Rasta Chai I travel hours on the bike through the bush to the Ribe district. It is a beautiful area with rivers and hills. We visit the remains of the first church, the cemetery, the first bridge and on top of the hill we see the first school.

Kaya – the ancestors

The Gateway to KAYA

We leave behind the engine, walk through narrow forest paths and stand at the gate of the Kaya, the holy place where the ancestors lives. When an epidemic broke out, or in times of war they were consulted. Rhasta Chai looks at me. ‘You are very privileged. There was never a white one in this place, let alone a white woman.’ I feel that it is not a coincidence; I ought to be at this place…

‘At that time there was a direct gateway to God. There was no middleman. You did not have to be baptized to be chosen. Everyone was chosen…’

Gateway to heaven

It is true that the church and the west with all their good intentions destroyed a lot here in Africa. However, this is part of the evolutionary process. We cannot go back to the past. We have to go forward. It is time that Africa start to remind her inner strength and stops to sell her soul to the West in exchange for money.

These turbulent times will give each of us the opportunity to turn inside and to come home inside our self. We have to find our own special gateway to heaven. So we will, wherever we are, in every church, mosque, in nature or anywhere else, experience our true connection with what we call God or ALL THAT IS…


She comes from Tana River Delta. A disputed region on the Somali border, where many were killed in recent years. Her father was successful with the production of honey which he exported to Lamu. Success is not accepted here; his brothers murdered him and took the house. Her mother had to leave with the children and brought them up as a single mother.

History repeats itself. She runs away from her husband who mistreats her, works as a teacher and teaches classes of over 100 students. In the evening she provides tutoring so her children can go to college. ‘What are you worried about?’ ‘I need 200 Euro exam-fees to pay for my daughter. I’m waiting for a miracle. ‘Thanks to a special person in my life I can provide her this miracle. She cries of pure joy…

She is on the list for surgery. She has no confidence in that and ask me to treat her. After three weeks she starts to feel a different person. ‘Do you have a new doctor,’ they question her on her work, ‘You are so energetically…’


At the moment I seriously think whether it is possible to stay here forever, we are again on fire:

Al Shabab lures children to Jihad with free food. Police raided a crowded mosque. There are two officers slain with pangas. The police started to shut. Several children are killed. The following Friday they call for revenge. Muslims pelting the police with stones. People are trapped in their houses. Street – shops will be demolished and some people are killed. At this moment the police seem to have the matter reasonable under control…

Forgive and forget

Hi is badly abused by his father. As a 14-year-old he walked out of the door and never returned. I ask why he wants to visit his father in the hospital. He looks at me thoughtfully: ‘Your Westerners never forget anything. We Africans do horrible things, but we forget them and start at new.’

And that’s absolutely true. No rancor in Tuva, who was almost killed while his motor was stolen, nor by James whose brother was slain, or by my friend whose father was killed…

If you see that someone is killed then you make sure that you do not really see it. If you report it to the police you can be the next one…

Yasmin – Mutanu

Lamu – Paradise in Kenya

Lamu – Paradise in Kenya

The time on the island of Lamu seems to stand still. The transport is going by dhow or boat, by foot, by donkey or by bike. The population is a mix of Swahili, Arabic, Indian and Chinese and mostly Muslim…

Old Town

We find an artistic residence in Old Town, the best preserved Arab settlement. We sleep in an open house with hundreds of steps and hidden spots. The only drawback is the heat.

She flew with her father in his private jet from Nairobi to Mogadishu. Her father decided to land on something that looked like a landing strip. At that moment she felt in love with Lamu. She is an artist and born in USA. She has her Kenyan citizenship. Recently the USA changed the law. No longer she is allowed to enter her fatherland…


Although I belong nowhere, on a natural way I am part of all life in and around me. While I am working on the computer, the young man next door is producing a lot of noise. He is chained on the roof. It is taken weeks already but reportedly, he will soon functioning normally again. Amazingly, it does not shut me down and it does not bring me out of balance. There is even no need to change the situation…

Veiled women laughingly stabbing their hands to help me aboard. Men naturally reach out to support me to get on wall. Quay on Service is as natural here as breathing in and out…


The people are friendly and respectful. There is no security in this house. However, also here on this island tourism had a blow. The results are unemployment, drug abuse, HIV/AIDS, unseen poverty, and a hidden dream that it will be better elsewhere…

We enjoy the beautiful scenes of people and donkeys. We are all equal. As we are all moving on foot status disappears. We buy fruits and vegetables at the local market and drink African coffee on the street…

Shela and dolphins

Shela, with its twelve kilometers of sandy white beach, is paradise and cooler than Lamu. We walk for an hour along the coast or take the boat, swim in the sea and enjoy a blissful time when ten beautiful large dolphins give a performance especially for Dennis and me. What a divine gift…

Children come to me spontaneously. They stabbing out their hand, pressing a kiss on my hand and radiantly say Jambo…



With a packed wooden boat we pass by Mkowe and navigate to Matondoni. Immediately it feels like home. How special to be at a place where time seems to became to a standstill. At the same time this community has everything Westerners are longing for: JOY – vitality – wholeness – spontaneity – playfulness – inner wealth and EMPTY heads. In short, a state of enlightenment for which we will count down great amounts of money to ACHIEVE this state of satisfactorily what not can be achieved by anything – because it just IS already there! This people do not know – they just live it: One large family – in short, an Oneness – where I fit in seamlessly. We dance, we sing and off course we cuddle…
There is apparently nothing disturbing the silence, no car, no machine. But where dirt accumulates in places which are not seen by the tourist, behind the silence of the unemployed youth is growing a desire to leave this place…

Because of no disturbances from cars or machines our heads are empty, Skyna from fourteen proudly says. I chuckle at her. Do you know, sweetheart, in the west, people are willing to give out large amounts of money to reach this state of emptiness. Believe me; they are very jealous of you!

Cultural festival

Dhow races, donkey races, drummers and tribe dancers. The island is full of visitors from the mainland. We hear the orphans drumming and hurry up to the square. It is packed of people. Here one does not dance in public, but only at weddings. So I have to dance on my own. This time I get a great dance partner. His name is John, he is an artist and has eight children! I enjoy tremendously, sweat enormously and play bubble with the kids. Great!

Dennis has to go home to arrange the wedding of his sister. I am not ready yet and decide to stay.


What can I do if I would like to live here? That question is still in baked inside of me. Thanks God, I am aware of it. Things arise and pass away without saying if I do not try to pull my fingers on it…


The media gives the picture that Kenya is to dangerous and has to be avoided. Is Kenya a threat to the West? But people here and elsewhere do the same and warn me: ‘Do not walk along the coast on your own, it is too dangerous’. They sow seeds of fear, that if you are not alert will grow out into trees and make you afraid and dependent…


Shadow is hardly to be found in Shela, but the water is lovely. I swim and fall asleep and against 17.00hr I decide also to walk back. And that is the reason that I end up in a Muslim wedding with stick dances and great drummers! The rhythm is catchy and puts me in installment. The atmosphere is upbeat. Afterwards it is almost dark and too late to walk and still I have to take the boat to Lamu.

Help syndrome

By observing one of the guests who hardly trice to change the situation from the man on the roof, I realize myself that we, spiritual people, are exhibit with the same drive than those with all their good intentions who came/come to Africa to rescue the poor souls and thus let/have thrown them into hell.

We also believe that we have a monopoly on the truth and want to save and to heal people and so on. To let things BE with an open HEART without wanting to change things or situations is a challenge and goes far beyond the ego. From inside we will be confronted with things that we rather not like to face. IS the man on the roof that crazy OR is there something we can not comprehend…

Wedding at the Fort

Muhammad says that I stole the hearts of the people in Matondoni and invites me for a special wedding at the Fort. I may help to pack the surprise boxes and later on with my own box, bottle of Fanta and some sweets I join the party. I am the only with one and surrounded by three hundred beautiful women. The Christian women from up-north are dancing in the circle in their colorful, expensive robes. The black robes of the Muslim women are a gorgeous backdrop. I enjoy these authentic women and their ceremonies. When four hours later the couple drops in and climbs the stage, all the attention is taken up by the bride. Her appearance sweeps away the groom completely…

True power

Ostensibly, the power is in the hands of the men on this island and undoubtedly throughout whole Mombasa coast and a great part of Africa. But behind the buibui and the veil hides the true power. Understated, but not to be beaten by anything…

I decide to spend my last night in Matondoni, to great delight of Muhammad…

Blessings from Heaven
Yasmin – Mutanu

(E) Bookshop

Ancient rituals

Ancient rituals

In this time when the old is doomed to disappear, there is no place for maintaining forced ancient rituals. They often has become hollow and empty and they carry no longer the power of the spirit within. Life itself will be our new initiation. It is intended that each of us will find his own inner temple: the essence of Love what is the true meaning of being human. That means that every attachment what prevents us from being fully human has to die first…
– The Power of Being


He is a Gypsy, a bit Indonesian and a bit Dutch. He is young and beautiful. He radiates something pure childlike. I am surprised that many of these ‘petty criminals’ are such a beautiful and unspoiled souls. I saw you come in, he says, you hit me right in the hearth. You have -his hands make a big circle- such a beautiful aura around you. When it is time to go back to his department I spread my arms and give him a hug. Thank you Stanley, it was enriching to meet you. It’s amazing how I feel at home among those guys. They have at least felt hell, do not pretend to be something and expect nothing from me. Overall, I can totally be myself here…


After prison I drive into town to visit Rick. He is in the final year of his detention, wrote a book, and asked for support. As we walk to the park we have intense talks about Buddhism and ethics. But we can also be quiet together. I know with a deep inner knowing that Rick is going to make it. Return back into this society is almost an impossible task. Do you have served your sentence, for your environment you will keep signed forever. A new start is reserved exclusively for those who literally have gone through the mud and suddenly got awake. That moment you take responsibility for your own actions without having to wallow in guilt. It takes courage to go inward and to turn your back to the old familiar surroundings. To succeed your coming back you have to be a loner – a rebel – who is willing to let go the desire of belonging to someone or to somewhere…


I am grateful for all the love and the care I received on my way to healing and mobility. Grateful for all the energy exchances here in my beautiful garden. It is my dream that the flow we started spontaneously may have a sequel. That our doors will stay open for ever and ever to unlock a new world…

Om Shanti, Yasmin



We stay on the Kenya-Tanzania border. The chaos, dirt and stench of Mombasa and Likoni make room for order and cleanliness. The traffic is orderly and controlled and the bad road suddenly changes into a brand-new one with stripes and even room for cyclists. Here everything is to arrange for money and thanks to that I have vaccination booklets for both of us. Without yellow fever injection you are not aloud to cross the border…

– Clean, tidy and safe driving on the road. Spotless public toilets. Good working banking systems, real electricity pylons…


After two days in Dar es Salaam wo go to Bagamoyo: the slaves bastion on the mainland. A nice place where art and music occupy an important place and I finally find back the djembé! For 10 shillings you buy yourself a cup of coffee and a cookie on the beach. Delicious! The local population – usually Muslims – populate the beach. Surprisingly girls and boys mingle freely with each other.
My plan to cross with a Daw (fishing boat) to Zanzibar seems not possible. After a few days on the turbulent sea, I understand this all too well.

People here are not interested in muzungu’s. After independence, they throw them out. Tanzanians barely speak English. Swahili is their language. This is a setback they now try to overcome since they have a capitalist government. The good thing of it is they seem to have more self-esteem then in Kenya-Mombasa. The benefit for me is that I am not seen as the one who have to save them…


Back in Dar es Salaam, we take the ferry to Zanzibar. As a rare white one, Mr. Pipe takes cares for me and he does it in such a delightful way I can really enjoy. On the other side we find a nice Hostel in Stone Town. For a few days we enjoy the old Arab town and its narrow streets.

Dennis is disoriented. He was never out of his region and he wanted to go home! Slowly he begins to enjoy. The disturbances caused by his environment in Kenya is clearly not present here!

Stone Town

Stone Town is not clean and is mostly populated by the descendants of Arabs, Muslims. Last Sunday the second priest was murdered here. Nobody takes the responsible for that. Always it is done by people from outside! Also here in Zanzibar tourism decreases.

Even if you do not see any tourist in the fishing port, it is my absolute favourite. It smells of fresh fish and is simultaneously a true SOURCE of LIFE…

Dala Dala

We leave behind the small suitcase in the Hostel and proceed with our small pack bags three days to Kizamkazi and Paje. We take the Dala-Dala. One of the highlights of my trip. The conductor stands behind the footboard and is mimicking from footboard to the roof where he piles the luggage ever higher. Cosy packed together there is an intimate atmosphere. Words are not necessary. I get a baby on my lap and feel at one! Four hours stopping and going is a bit long. My bum is sore but local transport is not only cheap, it is my favourite way to travel!
Kizamkazi is a fishing village where we see dolphins, but not in the way I wanted. Unfortunately, the fishermen are not aloud to take us! In the morning the fishing boats are coning back and they bring ashore an size of biggies I never saw before! Paje is beautiful and not very touristy, but I am not looking to great beaches.


After a week we take the ferry back. This time it is not going without struggle. But in Dar es Salaam there is Mr. Pipe. He has already seen me and leads us to a taxi willing to take us to Ubundu. From there we can take the bus to Lushoto.

The rainy season has started. We end up in a big traffic jam. Our taxi driver wants to be smart, deviates from the road and we are literally stuck in the mud. Here is a solution for everything. By joining forces, a muzungu – white one – behind the steering wheel, children and people who push for a little pocket money, we get out again. We stay overnight in Ubungu.

The last part of the 7 hour bus ride to Lushoto is spectacular. We are transferred sequentially and crammed into a small van, which funnily enough never bothers me here in Africa! Easily we find a lovely hostel and I enjoy unwise the coolness!



We rent two engine guys and have to wear the mandatory helmet. (Here it is not aloud with three of four people on the motor!) The guys bring us thirty kilometres into the mountains to the rainforests and the waterfalls. I send them home, we’ll see how we get home. We enjoy the atmosphere from forest and waterfalls and walk the whole way back to the main road. Moments later it starts to rain cats and dogs and in no time we are soaked to the bone. We still have a thirty kilometres to go! We drink hot tea under a shed. The rain gets lesser. I do not like to get cold, so we have to walk! After one and a half hour and a lot of fun a van is stopping. Soaking wet I plump down in the back next to Jake. Fifteen minutes long I have a true encounter. Jake is from the USA, broadcasted stationed in this place without knowing before. Life among the mountain people he did not understand but who stretched two open arms toward him changed his life!

Reluctantly we leave Lushote after three days and travel to Tanga. No, there’s nothing. TO clean, TO western. You can cross the street with closed eyes. I miss movement and colour and I realize how this heat is affecting me!

We take the bus back to Kenya. After the border the order and beauty changes in chaos and at Likoni, the stench, the heat and the dirt are coming towards us. But also life. After the ferry we take a matatu to Majengo. When I get out, the boys have already seen me. ‘Karibu tena – Welcome back Mama Africa: One Love – One Tribe’ yell the engine guys. I can not make a phone call, so we just take the first two guys. I do not know them, but she know me. Their concern is heart-warming. We pass my village. Men and women evoke a warm welcome. Several times we has to stop, even the village elder will greet me. The children shout a cheerful Jambo. Chai is in his pub and is beaming from ear to ear…


Outside the gate, I meet some guys from my place on their way home. Cuddling and greetings. ‘Everyone loves you’, says Stephen. ‘Because you love people’. And yes that is absolutely true! My room is spotlessly clean and there are even two vases of flowers. It touches my heart! Tired and sweaty we immediately dive into the pool. And then there is Faithy. She has heard that I am back. We play and cuddle in the water. This is life with CAPS. To be honest I do not want all that shaking on motorcycles anymore. The sea at this spot is not special at all, but undeniably this is my home…

The situation in Kenya from 2007 has repeated itself and is worrisome. People hide themselves for a week. Schools and shops were closed. Gently life begins to move again but everyone eagerly awaits if there will be new elections to come. And when that happens, well I prefer not to think about this…

I greet you from my HEART
Yasmin – Mutanu

Deathrow USA

Deathrow USA


He never wanted it: corresponding with a ‘foreigner’. After 20 years I was the first one. Soon I will sit in front of him. He cannot believe it.

That a white woman undertook this whole journey just for him, a black one on death row! He is overwhelmed. Believe me, a trip it was! It kept him from sleeping. He asked his son to support me…

After 24 hours of travelling and staying overnight in Pittsburg, Martha picks me up. We drop my luggage in the hotel and go directly to prison. This first time we walks the whole process together until the visitors cell. She is a lawyer and shares her concerns about politics and people who are innocent on death row. It is a sad story but in the meantime no longer unknown to me!

Peace of Mind

All of a sudden I sit in front of this beautiful Muslim man. Peace of Mind! Since they took everything of him he started to unfold his true Self. No, that was not from the one day to another, that’s for sure! I look in his eyes and put my hands against the glass. Open-minded he looks back and puts his hands against mine. He is as I have imagined. Last night he could not sleep. It was terribly exciting. He does not like me to walk to prison. Americans do not like walking! But I love it and will do it the rest of the week. It feels lovely to fill my lungs with fresh air! Even if Aaron has a good contact with his family, visitors are rare. Because I come that far we have five days after another, six till seven hours a day! It asks for extreme concentration with all the sounds on the background. Caused by changing of the guards or a screaming inmate restrained by pepper spray. Believe me, it feels so good to be here!


His story begins where many stories begin. Not only in Africa but also among the African Americans. As a child he was regularly beaten. According to Aaron a legacy of slavery. Going to university, on the age of nineteen, he made a girl pregnant. He wanted to take the responsibility for it. So he stopped his study to take care for her. The simple job brought little money in. Around him he saw people with big, expensive cars and beautiful houses. He should also be able to life like that!  No, he felt not afraid. It was just exciting! His dream became truth. He could give his family a better and luxury life. He was widely honoured and respected.

Wrong decisions

We drink in each other’s energy. The only thing I use during the day is a bottle of water, he has nothing. I get not bored for a moment. We have triggered each other from the first moment. What appealed to him that I did not put him in cotton wool and did not show any pity for him. In short, I treated him the way I like to be treated by others. In the meantime I have some experience with Edward in Texas and in prisons like Holland and Curacao. I accept Aaron unconditional and I love him as if he is a part of me. And of course he is! What is touching for him is that I absolutely have no judgment about him.

Meanwhile, he takes full responsibility for the decisions he took in his life. He like to call it wrong decisions. That our decisions are wrong, well we will discover that afterwards. Basically, the decisions we take bring us through different life experiences. Going trough experiences is the only way of evolution. It makes us richer or poorer. As strange as it sounds, Aaron is in many respect richer then before. The price he paid was not small. Almost all people who honoured him when he furnished them with everything they wanted, turned their back to him. Painful, very painful! He felt rejected and abandoned.

You can not even imagine how it feels to be twenty-two hours a day and in the weekends the clock around to be in solitary confinement. You can not even imagine how it feels never to be touched by another soul. Meanwhile he gets that touch directly from the source, that is what he is showing me! He was only twenty-eight and his youngest son was a toddler when he got behind bars. He loves his children and grandchildren with the love of a wise one. Speaks and hears them regularly on the phone. Three times a week he is aloud to make a short call.


We reveal ourselves to each other. If you have so little to lose, you have little to hide. Our communication is intense and intimate. There is no shame. Regularly I see him walking out of the prison. He shares that his spirit is travelling everywhere. He is independent and free. Pennsylvania is one of the toughest prisons. In contrast to Texas, where you are aloud to touch each other but where they kill more people than anywhere else, here they do not execute people easily. The government wants to abolish the death penalty. The last executions were in 1999. They were voluntarily. Those people no longer wanted to fight. Even if the death penalty will be abolished, normally Aaron will stay behind bars till he dies a natural death. He embraces life as well as death. He is in a constant shape of acceptance and meditation. I feel privileged that I got in contact with him. Energy attracts energy. How wonderful! His name means the realized one…


This last day there are regularly periods of silence between us. Everything we wanted to say has been said. I wish you came over to America. You’re so broadminded. If everybody should think like you the world should be different. That’s right my dear Aaron. But it is by embracing life at the fullest that this transformation inside took place. Making myself vulnerable and no longer wanted to be superior, no longer I feel the need to judge somebody else. In short, going through life in all its depths and heights has changed my life at the fullest, as your situation has changed your life! Simple, you never should have believed you could better stay far away of the world of the drugs if you were told in advance. You had to experience it first!

Take me with you

Take me with you, Aaron says. I take you in my heart, you are always with me, always within me. I put my hands against the glass. He presses his hands against my hands. I love you. I love you too! I turn around to leave the cell. Aaron will be put in chains before they open the door. Put in a strap he will be returned to his cell. Meanwhile the guards know him and treat him with respect. For the last time I look to him while I walk the long, long, silent corridor. Easily I find my way out through the controls. Except a few lawyers, I was alone today. And then to know that there are 1500 people behind bars and another 250 on death row! Tomorrow dear Martha will bring me to Pittsburg-airport. First we will have lunch together. I will take the plane to New York. There I have to spend a night before I can fly to Miami and Curacao. The guard at the desk has become more human. I sign the list and step outside. I breathe in a few deep breaths of fresh air and for the last time I walk to my hotel. It’s a beautiful day…

Om Shanti,

Kenya – reborn

Kenya – reborn

While I am walking along the beach, it strikes me that I am shining since a few days. My smile goes from ear to ear, does not even stop when I go to sleep and is still there when I get up. Behind all of that is a field where there is no restriction – there is unlimited space…

It has to do with the fact that for a number of days my body has been fearful out of harmony and suddenly I knew the reason. I wanted things being differently as they were! Without wanting to let go it compulsively, I just let go of. Not only my body feels much better, my soul is shining and brilliant as before. Not yet, it shines even more: there is another bit of insight – a little polishing…


I thoroughly enjoy my morning ritual. I wonder why the boys on the beach, in the hotel and even on the street seems always so happy to see me. I watch some tourists. Most of them ignore those guys or irritated they try to skip them as if they are flies! And as we know, this even does not work with flies! Everyone wants to be seen and recognized. First and foremost these guys. Moreover, they are just doing their job and this is their home. They have every right to be here!

I do not like to compare, simply there exist no law of the Medes and the Persians, but if I should have the guts, I would say that these guys usually have more inner civilization than many Westerners have. Sometimes tourists go beyond limits of the permissible. Most Afrikaners loke more tolerant, they seem not likely to pay the same coin back!
Africans are generally still rooted in the rhythms of nature, although they seem to lose their innocence as they have more money. In short, the sense of Mine and Yours has made its entrance. Fear of loss and shame seems to be a logical consequence.

Radiant smile

I grab my backpack to go home and look into the smiling eyes of a singing security man, named Stephen. Having no teeth not even hinders him to show his bright smile. I compliment him about his voice and there’s a wonderful exchange of energy. No, he speaks, I listen. What arrogance to think that I could learn those people something!
‘God has given me this life and I am grateful. I have a job so I can maintain my family. As a gift I love singing, so on Sunday I sing in church to praise God. For all this is not my merit, it is purely God’s. Just take this Indian Ocean. Is it no miracle? The tide comes and goes. No man can change that. Only God can. Listen to the trees. They are silent now. Where is the wind? Suddenly there is wind again and the trees start to sway. We can not change this, it is just there. Life is a miracle. There is so much to be grateful for…’


Yes dear Stephen, there is so much to be grateful for. I feel overflowing with love for you, for your beautiful country, for all the great people I daily met, who eternal seem to shine, whether they have anything to eat or not. It is so easy to love you since I love myself unconditionally!

Occasionally I feel that it is a bit difficult to understand and appreciate people I am really close with. There are still some expectations which no doubt has to do with my vision of reality, what of course not have to be their reality! Letting be that what it is, without wanting to put a Tag on it, is still a challenge! So there is always something that can be polished without actually necessarily wanting something to polish!

The understanding, the insight, is more than enough to change what can be changed and what not can be changed to accept…

Om Shanti,
Yasmin – Kenya

Power of Forgiveness

Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the letting go of the thought that the past should have been different. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself…
-Aba Gayle – USA, mother of a murdered daughter…

The Walk

In the TV-program The Walk of December 3 meets Hella van der Wijst Aba Gayle. I saw Aba for the first time in October at a meeting of the Inside-Outside Foundation. People who correspond with people on death row, like myself.

Illusion of separateness

As I look at her again, I realize that forgiveness touches the basis of our existence. Forgiveness brings us home in our heart after a long, long journey. The ego starts to dissolve and there seems nothing left to hold on. Nothing left to separate yourself or to feel that you are exceptional in any way.. You fall through all the layers of your self-created reality which has separated you from your True Nature: the comprehensive Source we are and that we call God or Love or Energy.
The confusion that we are separate individuals start slowly to disappear after you have applied the Power of Forgiveness. Not because you feel you MUST forgive; as long as we want something, forgiveness will not be sincere.
No, the power of True Forgiveness bubbles up from a deep soul desire. From the willingness to embrace life in all her fullness, to let be ‘All That Is’ the good as well the so called bad. It is the story of the prodigal son who finds his way back home after a long, long time.
When I look back at my own life, I went through this process years ago. I became aware of it when I suddenly and spontaneously wrote an ode to my parents in my book; ‘Mastery beyond death’, in which I fully embraced the past without even wanting it to be different than it was…


… The last line in this tribute is for my dear parents. Although the relationship with them has been anything but easy, I have freed myself from my past. Gratefully I look back at my life. It was a life full of trials, which I have transformed with supernatural aid into opportunities and pure joy. There is no reproach left, there is only an overwhelming sense of love and gratitude.
Gratitude, dear father and mother, that you gave me this opportunity, this life. Gratitude that you were willing to receive me with love and did everything within your power that was possible in those days and in those circumstances, to bring me up and to embrace me. No doubt you loved me. And I can now honestly and sincerely say: you were the perfect parents I needed, to achieve true inner freedom and inner peace…
– From: ‘Mastery beyond Death’


Forgiveness you cannot make happen: forgiveness occurs when the mind or the ego begins to lose its power over you and your True Nature starts to UNfold itself increasingly. You become what you basically always were: a being of pure light. Light knows no separation. The core of the murderer is the same light as I am.

That does not mean that in this earthly dimension the consequences of our actions can be avoided. Although I find the death penalty inhumane, cruel and barbaric, it is logical that every action has a consequence in this life and that we have to take responsibility for our actions. That applies for me, that applies for everyone.
I, myself, no longer feel the need to punish others. I am not God, just ‘I AM’. For God does not punish, the latter is simply what we do ourselves!


When I forgive the murderer of my daughter I free him and I take the burden on my own shoulders. Moreover this feels like betrayal to my daughter, said Ron Lock, parent of a murdered daughter against Aba Gayle.

Until we can forgive we live in a self-created hell, the hell of separation. We experience ourselves as separate individuals and create a situation in which we feel that we are better than the other by taking an object or a situation that we can hate and fight, to sustain our ego; our idea of separation.
– That’s quite a clinical explanation, but in my opinion not far from the truth.

The death of the ego

Aba makes no effort to convince Ron that he should forgive. She knows better than anyone that this will not work. Forgiveness means that we have to release our feeling of being unique. It’s this feeling of uniqueness and superiority that we fight to maintain at all costs, otherwise we feel that we fall apart and there seems nothing left. And that is the Truth: eventually we will be nothing, but our True Selves. In short, forgiveness is the gift we give to ourselves when the apple is ripe to fall off the tree. It’s the end of hell. Fear transforms into unconditional love. It is Heaven on Earth. It is total Liberation …


… We are creating the inner cave, to welcome the birth of the unconditional love within ourselves: the divine child, the son of the Father / Mother. The spark of spirit, we have forgotten such a long time is, awakening. The Kingdom of God, no longer outside us, comes to life.
– Out of my book ‘Original’.

Om Shanti,